Local Spins musically recounts the Detroit Lions’ mostly futile playoff experiences since their 1957 championship while predicting a Sunday win amid upbeat themes for an NFL team on the rise.
Forward Down the Field: It’s a Local Spins soundtrack to victory. (Photo/Local Spins)
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For decades, those of us who count ourselves as diehard, silver-and-Honolulu-blue-bleeding Detroit Lions fans have heard every snarky joke and mocking riddle imaginable.
• You can keep a Detroit Lions player out of your yard by putting up goalposts.
• What do the Post Office and Detroit Lions have in common? Neither will deliver on Sundays.
• The repair shop put a Detroit Lions jersey on a vacuum cleaner and now it sucks again.
• How do the Lions count to 10? 0-1, 0-2, 0-3, 0-4, 0-5, 0-6, 0-7, 0-8, 0-9, 0-10.
• The police have ramped up traffic violation penalties by issuing Detroit Lions tickets to speeders.
Argh! All of it has been cringe-worthy and maddening for Michiganders who get nauseous just glimpsing a puke-green and mustard Packers jersey.
Barry Sanders: He helped deliver the last playoff win and now he’s immortalized.
Well, thanks to their impressive 2023-24 season, the Detroit Lions are no longer fodder for ridicule when it comes to the rest of the NFL.
Time to turn the tables and poke fun at da Bears, the Carolina Panthers and, yes, even those hallowed – and now Brady-less and dysfunctional – New England Patriots.
For the first time in three decades, the Detroit Lions are the undisputed champions of their division and will host a playoff game for the first time ever at Ford Field on Sunday when the Los Angeles Rams visit the Motor City.
Granted, it’s been 32 years since the Lions have won a playoff game, soundly defeating the Dallas Cowboys at the Pontiac Silverdome 38-6, led by running back Barry Sanders.
Oh, and Sunday night also features the return to Detroit of former Lions quarterback and future Hall of Famer Matt Stafford, who happens to be lighting things up for the Rams as of late. That makes this a prime-time, much-ballyhooed matchup spawning the most expensive, by far, re-sale ticket prices for a wild-card game in NFL history.
(At StubHub, prices on Thursday ranged from $372 to $2,471 for a single ticket; $409 to $1,813 at SeatGeek.com. Clearly, there’s a ridiculous pent-up demand among long-suffering Lions fans eager to finally witness a home playoff game.)
Long-Suffering: The author before 2017’s playoff game.
Lifelong devotees – such as yours truly, who has frequently doffed a “Rebuilding Since ’57” T-shirt – don’t need to be reminded that the Detroit Lions last won an NFL championship an unfathomable 66 years ago, with just a dozen playoff appearances since, not counting this weekend’s game.
Indeed, with white pompoms waving victoriously at the Silverdome on Jan. 5, 1992, I was among the 80,000 or so rabid fans who figured at the time that this was the beginning of a glorious run to multiple Super Bowls.
Oops.
Ignominy of every sort has plagued this team ever since – and even well before that lonely 1992 playoff victory. It’s sort of like a thirsty, parched fan (me) taking the first swallow of a victory beer before some dolt (likely a Viking fan) knocks it over into my lap. I’ve never gotten a second sip.
Well, it’s finally time to slake that thirst.
To get fans ready for this rare opportunity, Local Spins has created an unusual playlist: The No. 1 songs in the country on the dates of all 16 playoff games the Lions have played, starting with their championship run way back in 1957.
To be sure, there are plenty of apropos titles and unfortunate messages reflected in all of those disappointing playoff losses:
• Questionable refereeing amid a heartbreaking loss to Dallas in 2015 left a “Blank Space” in Lions hearts, as Taylor Swift pointed out;
• Things weren’t so “Smooth” for Detroit, in spite of Santana, when Washington thumped the Lions in 2000;
• Detroit’s offense resembled a “Candle in the Wind” against Tampa Bay in 1997;
• Mariah Carey couldn’t identify a Detroit “Hero” when the Lions fell to Green Bay in 1994;
Converted Canine: Even dogs are rooting for the Lions.
• Washington certainly played the role of “Maneater” when they devoured the Lions 31-7 in 1983;
• “Isn’t it a Pity” that the Lions couldn’t even score a field goal in losing to Dallas back in 1970 (leaving many of us uttering, “My Sweet Lord” what just happened?);
• Appropriately, however, the Lions rocked San Francisco and Cleveland in 1957 with Elvis Presley’s “Jailhouse Rock” and Sam Cooke’s “You Send Me” as their December soundtrack;
• Prophetically, the current No. 1 Billboard hit coinciding with Sunday’s playoff game, Jack Harlow’s “Lovin’ on Me,” could be viewed as a tribute to the Motor City and its football fans, featuring the lines “I get love from Detroit.” (He certainly will if the Lions win.)
Missing from this roster and playlist, of course, is the Lions official fight song, “Gridiron Heroes,” an outmoded but fun 1930s-era ditty which my buddy Don and I have warbled loudly and robustly after scoring plays (and requested for our funerals, which we pray will come after a Super Bowl appearance).
And be forewarned: It’s a tune we plan to sing frequently on Sunday at Ford Field.
VIDEO: “Gridiron Heroes”
A LIONS PLAYOFF PLAYLIST OF NEAR FUTILITY
January 2024 – Jack Harlow, “Lovin’ On Me” – Score TBD
January 2017 – The Weeknd, “Starboy” (feat. Daft Punk) – Seattle 26, Detroit 6
January 2015 – Taylor Swift, “Blank Space” – Dallas 24, Detroit 20
January 2012 – LMFAO, “Sexy and I Know It” – New Orleans 45, Detroit 28
January 2000 – Santana, “Smooth” (feat. Rob Thomas) – Washington 27, Detroit 13
December 1997 – Elton John, “Candle in the Wind (1997)” – Tampa Bay 20, Detroit 10
December 1995 – Mariah Carey & Boyz II Men, “One Sweet Day” – Philadelphia 58, Detroit 37
December 1994 – Boyz II Men, “On Bended Knee” – Green Bay 16, Detroit 12
January 1994 – Mariah Carey, “Hero” – Green Bay 28, Detroit 24
January 1992 – Michael Jackson, “Black or White” – Detroit 38, Dallas 6 (Division); Washington 41, Detroit 10 (Conference Championship)
December 1983 – Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson, “Say Say Say” – San Francisco 24, Detroit 23
January 1983 – Daryl Hall & John Oates, “Maneater” – Washington 31, Detroit 7
December 1970 – George Harrison, “My Sweet Lord/Isn’t It a Pity” – Dallas 5, Detroit 0
December 1957 – Elvis Presley, “Jailhouse Rock/Treat Me Nice” // Sam Cooke with Bumps Blackwell Orchestra “You Send Me” – Detroit 31, San Francisco 27 (Division); Detroit 59, Cleveland 14 (World Championship)
THE LIONS PLAYOFF PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY
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